Seven Sins
by The Lady Elrond
Summary: A series of Joker/Batman drabbles. Slash, implied Joker/Harley.
1. Pride

**Part One - The Sins**

**Pride**

_**'He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.**_ '

Ah yes...the Batman

Good old Batsy.

Men want to be him and women...well, they want to fuck him.

Okay, okay some guys want to fuck him too...I know I do.

But, unlike all of those pathetic losers just dreamin' of crawlin' on their knees before him and kissin' his ass, I actually _have._

That's right!_ I_ fucked the Batman! _Me!_

I know, I know it's a crazy world, isn't it? Out of all the possible lovers in Gotham City, out of all the pining little fangirls swooning at his feet he chose me, his arch enemy. It was _me_ he dragged from the gutter, it was _me _he punched and slapped into submission and it was_ my _bruised and bloodied flesh he later bandaged and cleaned with his deft fingers and slippery tongue.

I don't know how it came about so don't ask me. One minute I was swinging a fucking sledgehammer at his head and the next I was kissing him and then - _shock, horror, ecstasy_ - he was kissing me back! He pulled away after a few seconds and I thought for sure I was in for the best (or worst, it depends how you see it) thrashing of my life. I mean, his eyes were blazing behind that stupid cowl things and I don't mind tellin' ya, I was shittin' myself but then...well, that's another story.

Memories like that are all I've got to keep me company here in the loony bin seeing as Batsy hasn't responded to my letters...or visited me. Such a shame really, I've always wanted to be locked up with him.

It's nice to think about him though. I can just picture those rippling muscles beneath the suit and that tight ass...and hearing about his little escapades never fail to cheer me up - there's always a little voice in my already cluttered mind whispering, "You fucked a legend!_ You_ fucked the Dark Knight, you lucky bastard!"

But I try not to let it get to my head...

**I mean, let's face it - _he's_ the lucky one really.**


	2. Anger

**Part One - The Sins**

**Anger**

**_'C'mon! Hit me! I want you to hit me!'_**

I didn't want to get angry.

But there he was, standing there with that infuriating smirk on his painted face, goading me on.

I saw red - I couldn't help it.

The next thing I knew, my foot was pressing down on the accelerator and I was speeding towards him. The bike was out of control, swerving and skidding on the oily tarmac -_ I_ was out of control. I could hear him shouting something and in that moment, even though I couldn't hear him over the sound of the roaring engine, I felt myself falling over the edge and any shred of reason I had left was lost beneath the deafening rush of adrenaline and blood pounding in my temples.

He began to walk -_ no, not walk, **strut**_ - towards me, his mouth, a vivid, bloody slash glistening in the glow of the streetlamps, working furiously.

A voice that didn't sound like mine spat something inaudible through clenched teeth - _**the fucking, murdering bastard! **_

I was getting closer, close enough to see the delicate pink of his tongue as it darted out...I felt my loins involuntarily tighten, remembering how that same hot, sticky, _lying_ tongue had teased my own only a few night before. At the same time, my stomach churned and my gorge rose - how could I feel so much for such a lowlife? He had me panting like a fucking animal...God, how I hated him!

He was screaming now - but not in fear. He didn't have the capacity for that.

No, he was enjoying this. I could see it in his face as I sped towards him, bearing down upon him like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse - his voice rose above the screeching of my tires, hoarse and gleeful.

_**"Hit me! I want you to hit me! Yes!"**_

I steeled myself and he opened his arms wide as if welcoming death.

He smiled.

And that was it...I couldn't do it.

I swerved and there was an earsplitting crash - suddenly I was on the ground and he was looking down at my broken body, still smiling.

**_"I knew you couldn't do it."_**


	3. Envy

**Part One - The Sins**

**Envy**

_**'You wanted me...here I am.'**_

A small, grotty room in a seedy motel.

A flea infested bed, the mattress stained, creaking and jolting with every frenzied movement.

Two dim shapes, one rising and falling and panting beneath the other's silent, frenzied pounding.

And a darker figure, sitting on the filthy windowsill, watching and waiting.

_Watching and waiting._

_Unseen._

_Or so he presumed._

"B-Batman..." the Joker breathed, slowing his pace and glancing over his shoulder at his nemesis, "How nice of you to dr_-ugh!-_drop by..."

"Just hurry up and finish so I can beat the shit out of your worthless ass."

Joker answered with the usual high pitched giggle, "_Whoo ha ha! _Like what you see Batsy?" His shadowy partner clawed at his bony back in ecstasy as he pumped his hips, his dark, bloodshot eyes never leaving the masked face. Batman indulged him for a moment, glaring back until the clown gave a short burst of guttural laughter and turned away.

"I think you do...never had you down as a voyeur. Though I guess I shoulda known you were into kinky shit...kinda explains the outfit..." he smirked and shifted position slightly, eliciting a moan from his lover. Batman glanced at her face, which was now slightly visible and illuminated by the buzzing neon lights outside - she was young and quite pretty, with long blonde hair and small breasts, which were bouncing up and down in an extremely arresting fashion. He allowed his gaze to linger on them for a few seconds before realising that Joker was looking at him again, a knowing smile on his painted face.

"Checkin' out the goods Batsy? Feel free - it's _all_ on special offer!" He winked and wriggled so that his backside was directly facing the man perched upon the windowsill. The woman mewled in protest and hooked her feet around his waist, trying vainly to force him deeper into her. Joker ignored her and continued to stare at Batman who was transfixed by the feast of flesh before him.

Batman was, unbeknownst to his adversary, struggling in an ocean of inner turmoil - could it be that a part of him was _enjoying_ this obscene show? It was so wrong but...he actually felt a little bit jealous of the young woman - for her to be so caught up in Joker's violent lovemaking that she did not seem to acknowledge the presence of the legendary Dark Knight made Batman wonder what it felt like...to be the outlet for all that cruelty and passion.

The eyes behind the rubber cowl flickered but whether it was with interest or disgust was a mystery. Joker was beginning to feel impatient and so, ever the opportunist, he decided to test the water. Ignoring his lover and the dull ache in his lower back, he arched slightly, allowing Batman a better view of his ass and was rewarded by an almost inaudible but sharp intake of breath.

Joker felt his cock twitch at the sound but his pleasure was marred slightly by the realisation that it was not Batsy writhing beneath him.

"Honeeeey - look at _me_!"

He turned back to the woman beneath him, glanced disdainfully at her pouting lips and accusing blue eyes and dismissed her with a sharp, ringing slap.

"Owww! What was that for?"

"Shut up you cunt!" he pulled away from her, brushing away Batman's restraining hand as he picked up her clothes and threw them at her, "Now fuck off - go on,_ fuck off!_"

She sullenly began to dress, "When will I see you again?"

Joker, who was watching Batman out of the corner of his eye, shrugged, "I dunno Harley, just hurry up and get outta here before ya get what ya've been askin' for all day."

"But puddin'-"

He leapt to his feet and began to push her out of the room, "I told ya before - _don't call me puddin'!_"

"But I-"

He didn't wait to hear her protests, slamming the door on the half naked woman and turning back to Batman with a long suffering smile, "Fangirls..."

"She must be pretty sick to want to hang around with a freak like you."

Joker pretended to muse over the insult, "Freak...hmm, well it's better than fucking puddin' I suppose. Anyway, aren't you supposed to be 'beating the shit out of me' now?"

"As soon as you put some clothes on...wrestling with naked maniacs isn't my favourite hobby."

"Didn't think so," he stretched his arms out and pirouetted on the spot, "Still, I don't really feel like gettin' dressed...I'm enjoyin' the breeze."

Batman's squared his jaw, eyes involuntarily glued to the swinging genitals, "You disgust me."

"Yeah, okay so if I _'disgust'_ you so much why the hell are you staring at my cock?"

"I'm not, I-" he broke off, "Who was that girl anyway?"

Joker, who was in the middle of a strange kind of victory dance, paused and smiled unnervingly, "What's to ya? Jealous?"

"No, she wasn't really my type, I-"

"I didn't mean of me."

"Excuse me?"

Batman took a step backwards as Joker advanced upon him, still grinning, "Were you jealous of her, Batsy? Did you wish it was _you _on the end of my cock instead? Well?" He stopped, inches away from his opponent, and began to run his hands over his bare chest, smirking as his nipples puckered in the cold air, "Answer me Batman...or has Catwoman got ya tongue?"

"Kiss my ass, you fucking clown."

"With pleasure."


	4. Sloth and Gluttony

**Part One - The Sins**

**Sloth and Gluttony**

_**'More copycats today Alfred. With guns.' - Bruce Wayne**_

_**'Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?' - Alfred Pennyworth**_

It was just one of those days.

I didn't feel like having a party or a fundraiser.

I didn't feel like going out to a premiere or the theatre.

I didn't feel like doing yet another interview for those ass kissers down at the Gotham Gazette.

And I certainly didn't feel like running around the City dressed like a fucking reject from a low budget vampire film.

All I wanted to do was have a quiet night alone, pigging out on pizza and watching the game on tv...you know, _normal stuff..._but I guess, when you're one of the richest men in the world and Gotham's infamous masked vigilante, taking the day off isn't really an option.

_Things were looking good until I decided to go out and pick up some ice cream..._

**x X x**

It was just one of those nights.

You know the kind...almost unbearably hot and still, the sky darkening to indigo and orange, the moon full and high...fuckin' beautiful.

A perfect night for causin' mischief!

I wasn't planning anything _stupendous - _just a little bat-baiting to pass the time - but my caped buddy was nowhere to be seen! Strange considering his obsession with me...you've got to admit, he's got an immense clown complex. It wouldn't be so bad if he'd stop denying it and just accept his issues, like me...but I digress.

Anyway, I trashed a convenience store (it pained me to stoop to such pathetic lows but I really wasn't in the mood for blowing up hospitals and such) and shot a few of the cops who turned up to put me down - didn't kill any of the fuckers unfortunately - but my little escapade still failed to draw Batsy out of his cave.

At that point, I was pissed (in the sense of being very angry, frustrated and full of cheap vodka and gasoline) and ready to throw in the towel and go back to the rat hole that had been my home for the past week...when, amid the chaos and wreckage, in walked a bewildered but very special customer.

Billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne.

_Fresh meat indeed...and I was a very hungry clown..._

**x X x**

They stared at each other for an excruciatingly long moment, sleep filled blue eyes suddenly wide with shock as they met a pair of black ringed, red rimmed brown ones across the debris strewn room.

"Juh-Joker?" Bruce cursed himself as his voice broke and he stammered, the maniac grinning at his obvious discomfort.

"Enchanted to meet you Mr Wayne..." he replied as he curtseyed mockingly, "Shouldn't you be in an important meeting or counting your money in your castle?"

"It's my day off," Bruce heard himself answer as he desperately tried to figure out how he was going to get to the docks and return as the Dark Knight without arousing suspicion, "I came for some ice cream...to go with my pizza..."

Joker tutted and sauntered over, "Lazy and greedy! Well...I suppose you have people to do your work for you, hmm? And a personal trainer to keep you in shape...not like we commoners."

"I-well...what about you? Shouldn't you be back at the freakshow waxing the bearded lady's legs?"

Joker threw back his head and laughed, producing a knife from one of his many pockets, "And I thought _my_ jokes were bad! Go on then - go get your fucking ice cream!"

Bruce stepped away, never taking his eyes away from the Joker. He didn't like the absentminded way the clown was waving that knife around, "Nah, I think I'll just go home...I think I've lost my appetite."

"Ah c'mon! Don't be like that Brucie - look!" he ran to a nearby freezer and began rummaging through the many assorted tubs of ice cream, rambling excitedly as he did so "I'll have one too! They've got chocolate chip, sorbet, mint, strawberry...oooh rasberry ripple!"

Bruce watched the Joker's childlike enthusiasm with a small, involuntary smile, "Cool...um...I think I'm gonna take off...have fun..." It was strange but, for once, he wasn't looking forward to having to beat the clown up and hand him over to Gordon...

Joker watched the other man's reflection as he continued to rifle through the freezer - nah, Wayne wasn't pretty...he _was_ kind of attractive though...in a conventional way.

Edible even...

"Awww stop bein' such a party pooper Brucie...just wait'll Batsy turns up - you're gonna miss all the fun!" he waved a scoop of Neopolitan at the retreating millionaire, "Looook! De-licious! Mmmmm!"

"Some other time maybe..."

"Why not now?"

Bruce paused and, with a smile of uncertainty, cautiously took the proffered scoop.

**x X x**

_A long, lazy morning in bed, the sheets stained with the exertions of the night before - sweat, saliva, semen and strawberry icecream..._

_Two bodies entwined, softly illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the window, sleepy and surrounded by empty tubs..._

_"De-licious!"_


	5. Greed

**Part One - The Sins**

**Greed**

_**'See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I like dynamite…and gunpowder…and gasoline.'**_

Indeedy.

The best things in life are potentially very dangerous...and cheap. Money? Ha! You can keep your fucking money...y'see people will do a lot of dumb things for a wad of green paper but, in my experience, they'll do a hell of a lot more to save their own stinking skins. Just set up a load of explosives and watch the fireworks - it's economical, effective and a whole lot of fun!

I'm not a greedy guy...not like the other so-called 'criminals' infesting Gotham...

Well, I don't lust after_ **money**_at least...

It's Batman.

_**He's**_ my poison.

Everytime I gain a piece of him I just end up wanting more and more...I want** _all_** of him. Not just what he hides under that suit - I want his mind and soul too. I want to possess him...to uncover every inch of him.I mean, I'm like a fucking mad dog when it comes to that oversized rodent - I just wanna take him in my mouth and shake him 'til he screams at my feet!

It's a nice thought...the Dark Knight completely in my power...

**All mine.**


	6. Lust

**Part One - The Sins**

**Lust**

**'You let me _violate_ you,**

**You let me _desecrate _you,**

**You let me _penetrate_ you,**

**You let me _complicate _you...'**

They were like a pair of magnets - total opposites and yet, inexplicably attracted to each other.

Every meeting between them ended in either bloodshed or sex...or both, usually with the Joker pressed against a wall in a steamy alleyway, tears of laughter streaming down his face as Batman thrashed and pounded into him. Afterwards the vigilante would leave, disappearing into the night and abandoning his arch enemy to be consumed by the pain and mirth...

Then there were the nights when they were not the Dark Knight and the Clown Prince of Crime...the nights when they were Bruce Wayne and Jack Napier. Bruce didn't know if that was the Joker's real name or just another of his aliases but it didn't matter...when 'Jack' was curled around his body Bruce felt complete.

Dirty.

Used.

Treacherous.

But complete.

**x X x**

"You _complete_ me..." he heard himself murmuring one evening, holding his sleeping lover as though he was an innocent child rather than a mass murdering lunatic. He wiped away the greasepaint gently and brushed a finger across the scars...they didn't frighten him anymore. Jack's eyes flickered open - he was a light sleeper as a rule - and he smiled, his tongue darting out to taste the invading digit.

"I remember sayin' that to you not so long ago..."

Bruce laughed edgily as he recalled the violent scene in the interrogation room, "Yeah...yeah, I-"

"And then you punched me," Jack's hazy brown eyes hardened slightly as he sat up, the covers falling away from his bruised and bony torso. Teasingly, he grinned and ran his fingers slowly through Bruce's thick brown hair, digging his nails into the pink scalp visible beneath, "Maybe I should return the favour."

Bruce turned away in casual defiance, hoping the pleasant shudders running through his body did not betray his eagerness, "Later...I'm a little tired at the moment..."

Jack laughed throatily, reaching over to flip the other man onto his back before pinning him within his wiry arms, "Oh no you don't! Silly little boy...didn't your mother tell you it's best to let sleepin' dogs lie." Bruce chortled and pretended to stuggle, white teeth snapping at the cruel, but exquisite, face hovering just out of reach above his own.

"Yeah, especially if they happen to be rabid!"

Jack scowled and began to playfully pummel his misbehaving bedmate into submission, secretly aroused by the knowledge that, if the mood had taken him, Bruce could have easily stopped him at any time and beat him to a pulp. This train of thought was suddenly interrupted by something hard pressing into his thigh...his favourite toy, ready for playtime...

Bruce smirked maddeningly and began to grind his hips slowly, the delicious friction causing Jack's own cock to twitch and stiffen.

"Look what you've done now, you bad boy..." he growled, his tongue flicking out to taste Bruce's ear, "I don't think you deserve my cock..."

Bruce moaned pitifully and Jack petted him soothingly, pressing his lips against the other man's for a fleeting moment, "Shhh...be a good boy and maybe, just maybe, I'll let you-"

"Master Wayne?"

Without warning, the door creaked open and a beam of light penetrated the darkness that engulfed the naked couple. Bruce leapt up, pushing Jack beneath the covers just in time as a concerned looking Alfred popped his head around the door.

"Sir? Are you alright? I heard strange noises and-"

Bruce mustered a smile as he tried to muffle Jack's protests with a sweaty hand, "Yes Alfred, I'm fine...I just had a nightmare. How was the concert?"

Alfred's eyes narrowed suspiciously but he returned Bruce's smile readily, "Oh, it was quite good actually. I was just a little worried when I came home and couldn't find you. A little early for you to be in bed, isn't it?"

Beneath the sheets, Jack suddenly clamped his teeth around Bruce's restraining fingers, causing the young man to let out a yelp of pain and release his captive.

"Master Bruce? What in the world is wro-"

"Nothing Alfred!" Bruce managed a cheery tone and wrapped his legs around Jack, who was trying to squirm free of the bedclothes, "I've just got a little bit of a headache, that's all....nothing a good night's rest won't fix."

Jack gave a muffled giggle and reached up to wrap his cold hands around Bruce's now flaccid cock, slowly pumping it back to life with cunningly skilled fingers. Bruce shifted and stifled a moan as a wet tongue began to trail a hot, sticky line up his inner thigh.

"Should I bring you some painkillers?"

"N-no...really, I'll be fine."

Alfred's lips tightened, "Well...if you need anything, just call for me."

"I will. Night Alfred."

"Goodnight sir."

The door clicked shut, submerging them once again in shadows. Bruce waited a moment before ripping aside the covers to reveal Jack, whose mouth was now inches away from its destination and whose eyes were blinking up at him innocently.

"What?"

"What the hell were you thinking?!?"

Jack shrugged and began to sprinkle light kisses over Bruce's stomach, "Sorry...I, ah, couldn't resist. Now...lie down..."

"But-"

"Bruce..."

"But I-"

"_Bruce_...lie down."

Bruce sighed and closed his eyes as Jack began to crawl slowly towards him, smirking in the shadows. Tommorrow, things would be back to normal - or as close to normality as was possible in Gotham City - and he would be running whilst Bruce, his handsome face partially hidden and delicious body encased within that infamous suit, chased him...

_And when he caught him..._

"You complete me..." Bruce murmured, stirring him from his thoughts. With a lick of his lips, Jack rose up and silenced him with a kiss.

"That's my line."

**a/n At last! The one I know you were all waiting for! Quotes and characters belong to DC Comics/Warner Bros...particular thanks to melissa ivory for the inspiration she gave in her last review. Oh...and the song 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails...the perfect sidedish for delicious Batman/Joker sex!**


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